Life Lessons

Things I Have Learned Recently:
-The guitar (not super well)
-Patience (kind of but not super well either)
-How to be more open than is comfortable (still working on that, too)
-How weak I am
-How strong I can be
-All about different cords and cables for audio/visual equipment
-Hard work is worth it sometimes
-David O. McKay was an awesome husband
-So was Harold B. Lee
-Hope is possible without seeing how things will happen, if they ever even do
-Sleep is not overrated, but hard to get sometimes
-I like capitalism
-I'm pretty smart and capable and stuff (more of a needed reminder)
-It's not fun to learn the same lessons over and over
-Finding patterns is kind of really fun.  For me.
-Emotions are good if you accept them
-Emotions sometimes still are the worst even then
-Stability and routine are things I actually really crave
-Knowing that I need/don't need something and actually feeling like I need/don't need something are very, very different things
-Perspective can be really hard to find
-It's really easy to spend money without thinking about it
-Being stable and having a good, solid network of friends for support is worth a lot more than any words can describe
-Music is really good for catharsis
-Movies used to do that for me really well, but now are overwhelming a lot of the time
-I am really funny (not that I didn't know this before)
-I like talking to strangers about things like beeswax, CSAs, history, trivial matters
-I miss some of my old hobbies a lot
-Touching hot pans is bad for my skin
-Being outside is a really good form of therapy
-Writing in my journal is another really good form of therapy
-Talking to friends/family is another really good (better, even) form of therapy
-Being optimistic is sometimes hard but it's always worth it
-Taking risks is also really hard, but it can lead to very rewarding experiences and lessons I couldn't have learned otherwise
-I don't like school enough to go on and get a PhD, but sometimes I wish I did because I do actually really love school enough to keep going on.  Just not enough for the work and life-sucking quality of graduate degrees.
-I should stop being as shy as I am, but I don't really want to talk to other people a lot of the time.  Not enough to actually do it
-I'm really stubborn and moody and prideful
-Laughter is one of the only ways to break the above
-It's really easy for me to be distracted at inappropriate times
-I can carry a joke on until it becomes something very serious, like how comic book characters are all based on scriptural characters.  That joke may have lasted like 24 hours, actively naming comic book characters and the scriptural characters that correspond.
-I have no clue what I want to do even three months from now, or where I want to be.  Like, literally.
-Life is good, even when it's hard
-Even when things can't get much worse, there's a silver lining in that it can (and often will) always get better
-It takes work to feel comfort and hope sometimes, but that work is always well worth it
-Just going through the motions sucks, so trying to be optimistic and actually like my life is really important
-Time helps perspective, so do prayer and scripture study.

Tricks vs. Illusions

Things that disappeared in January:
-My contacts (eventually I got two packages of a year's supply, though)
-My motivation to write my thesis (maybe it wasn't ever there, actually)
-Free time
-The old relief society presidency I worked with
-An old roommate
-My will to bake/cook, for the most part
-Classes (for me!  and, except for the one for which I TA)
-Warm(er...) California weather (when I came back to Utah)
-Cold Utah weather (I've considered this week's highs in the 50s to be practically spring weather)
-My filter (actually, my language has only slipped when no one is around.  The rest of the time it's been quite intentional)
-The bishopric

Things that appeared in January:
-2011 Tintin calendar...
-Two years worth of contacts
-Cleaning checks
-Brand new RS presidency
-A mold-less macbook
-Plenty of things that are more fun than my thesis
-Sundance film festival (AND Tracy Morgan)
-2 seasons of 30 Rock on DVD in my apartment (curtesy of:)
-A new roommate
-Actually doing my MA paperwork stuff!
-New bishopric
-(for me, by way of Rob Macfarland:)A sweet new version of Metropolis on DVD

Religious holidays always mean miracles

Epiphany Miracles:
-I found my ipod when I left it in the library overnight
-I got my prospectus and program of study signed and turned in
-My sister came into town and I got to meet my youngest nephew (3 months old)
-I have not gotten sick yet
-I have a computer again
-A couple old friends have moved back to Provo after being away last semester (one is even now my roommate)
-I survived the first week of my last semester at BYU
-I found raw milk in Utah Valley (but it's, like, $7/gallon)
-Discovered the Badalisc, as well as Icelandic Christmas traditions that are amazing
-Tintin 2011 calendar... Miraculous.

On the wings of desire

What I want Right Now:

-Attention Span (for homework purposes, mostly)

-Tomato tart

-Simultaneously more and less energy

-Willingness to socialize

-More time in the day

-Scapegoat for laziness

-Better GRE scores...

-Motivation to write my prospectus

-Around my French Table, coming in 4-6 weeks by USPS, free to me

What I want, eventually:

-Get into the history PhD program at Toronto University

-Finish my thesis

-A career, or at least some kind of money to live off of

-Fluency in French (more than what I've got right now...)

-A year (or more) in Europe

-Rest

Things that make me wish I weren't a student:

-having no time to make real, homemade meals on a regular basis

-having no down time because of homework

-never knowing what to address my professors as (professor? doctor? just their last name? by their first name if they're cool and hep?)

-having to walk to school and back home in the snow

-not having a real income, but having a career (basically... grad school is a career, right?)

-sitting in classrooms without windows for hours on end every single day

Things that make me want to never leave school:

-learning cool stuff

-being pretentious

-the feeling of accomplishment after a good paper, test, or project

-being on the same intelligence level as most of the people around me

-researching awesome stuff

-not having to start a "real" career

-access to all the amenities on campus

-discounts at grocery stores

Homework

Books/Articles I've read so far this semester:

-La Venus d'Ille by Prosper Merimee

-Rene by Chateaubriand

-Le Rouge et le Noir by Stendhal

-La Morte Amoureuse by Maupassant

-Discours sur la science et les arts by Rousseau

-Confessions (chapters 1-4) by Rousseau

-Candide by Voltaire

-Lettres Philosophiques (1-6, 8-10, 18, 23, 25) by Voltaire

-A bunch of stuff about Sophie Calle (funnest photographer... ever?)

-The Uncanny by Freud

-Something about La Venus d'Ille written by Cropper

-Extracts from Classes laborieuses, classes dangereuses by Louis Chevalier

-Extracts from Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

-Les Imaginaires Sociaux from a dictionary by Alain Courbin

-La "Monarchie d'argot" entre le mythe et l'histoire by Roger Chartier

-A bunch of stuff about Walker Evans and the FSA

-Pieces of Introduction a la litterature francaise by Tzvetan Todorov

-Pieces of La litterature fantastique by Denis Mellier

-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

-An article about reference books for research on French literature

-Lots of random newspaper articles

-A few articles on photography

last week

Current Obsessions:
-Rahm Emanuel
-Joe Biden
-Cupcakes
-Martha Stewart
-Good Eats
-Spices
-Argentine Tango
-J Crew
-Home blogs/magazines

Good News of the Week:
-Acceptance to grad school
-Acceptance to internship to Lille
-Realizing my grades won't suck this semester
-Finishing up classes
-Graduation in two weeks!
-Actually doing over half my to-do lists daily
-Good weather!!! (kind of)